Drunken Spider

Journal Entry December 19, 2008 – Olifants Camp


I am a girl and I am here in Africa alone in a hut in the Kruger National Park in South Africa. But I am also somewhat of a girly girl too and the girly girl comes out when I have to pee but can’t because in the bathroom of my hut on the wall just above the toilet is a big spider. How can I pee with him on the wall? What the heck am I going to do?

I crept back in there to see if he was still on the wall and indeed he was. I don’t know if I would feel better if he weren’t because then I would wonder where the heck he went. ARGH!

I looked for something to kill him with; a flyswatter or something but I had nothing but my shoe and I didn’t want him on my shoe…. So I went into my cool box and opened a beer thinking I could just pour it on him and drown him in alcohol. It didn’t work. He’s still on the wall and the beer is poured out all over the floor. I cracked open another beer and tried to drown my fears in alcohol but that did nothing but make me have to pee more.

I went back in and he is still right there. I look around the bathroom and spot a toilet brush. That’s the weapon! I took that toilet brush and beat that spider into a hundred pieces then threw the brush and the spider bits on the floor where they are all now floating in beer. Whew. Finally I got to pee.

2 hours later…

I ran into a girl who was doing research in the park. After describing my spider to her she said it was a harmless spider they call a flattie. I didn’t bother to tell her that my spider was definitely harmless since it was in my hut, if not dead, super drunk!